Linda about depression process

Hi , my name is Linda.

My story is ..In February I was hospitalized with anxiety for one
week. I was put on Ativan – couldn’t tolerate the other drugs they
tried. Have been anxious ever since. Then in July was dx with a
benign heart condition and lost my Job. Got really anxious and
depressed and I went to the hospital again. They tried all the drugs
like paxil, zoloft, Elavil, etc. etc. offering by canadian pharmacy that sell meds online. I left on a heart med -
Inderal and still on the Ativan. I am seeing a counselor and am in a
day program for two weeks, starting next Tuesday.

I am going to have to get though this without the help of modern
medicine – ssri etc. This is the hardest fight I have ever gone
through. If I can’t do it this way, my doc wants to do ECT which I
am terrified of.

I need support that I will get through this. I would like to hear
what other people do to get through the days. Has anyone gone
through this without the help of an antidepressant?

I feel so lost and alone. Yesterday was managable but today is a bad
one. I exercise, play with my dog, do deep breathing exercises,
yoga, make sure I get out of the house once a day. AND IT is such a
struggle. Will this pass? Will I just end up crazy somewhere?

I have enough money to stay in my house for two more months before I loose it. and I am afraid I will also loose my dog, Dewey. I think that is what set me off today or that I didn’t sleep last night,..I
think the Beta Blocker is making my sleep and depression worse. Who knows??

Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

Linda

sarcoid

HI, I thought I would post a reply to this topic. I was diagnosed
with sarcoid about 2 years ago now. I get a recurring respiratory
infection that lingers for monthes every winter, and despite
complaining to my PCP for years about this, and have this happening
for about 15 years now…..in progress. I finally changed PCP’s and
with a visit in the winter with the infection just setting in as
usual, he decided to send me for a chest X-ray. The X-ray showed
enlargement of my lymph nodes and other patches in my lungs, which
lead to a CT-scan for further clarification. Since this was a lung
issue, I was refered to the pulmanary department with a specialist
that happened to be the head director of that unit in this medical
system I belong to. I had 3 issues…..1) lymph node enlargement
internally 2) an irregular shaped mass in my one lung that had not
penetrated the wall yet & about the size of a half dollar 3) several
patches of thickening of the lining of my lungs in several areas with
plaque like deposits. The lung doctor was not quite sure what was
going on, but thought it was sarcoid & wanted to do a biopsis to
extract tissue for examination. Nervously I sat out for several
monthes to build up the nerve to commit, and in doing so I had to
repeat the CT-scan for a fresh picture to map out the procedure. By
luck the irregular shaped mass disappeared and the lympgh nodes were
dropping down in size, but the patches were still there. So this
saved me the aggrevation of the biopsis, but the lung doctor had a
85% certainty that this was sarcoid. In process, I had a large rash
like sore on my one shin from bumping my leg while cutting the grass
the previous summer. This was biopsied and the report showed no
signs of sarcoid and the lession was labeled of UNKNOWN ETIOLOGY.
The CT-scans, since I had several, I made them scan further than my
lungs to get a full picture of my thorasic cavity, and I had evidence
of liver damage as in cirrosis. I quit drinking alcohol along time
ago, and I was never a big drinker to begin with. I have had a high
bilirubin count relative to liver function for sometime. This always
get chaulked up to a BENIGN liver disorder by the doctor, and I
disagree with this…….by my own experiences.
Anyway, building up to the sarcoid thing, I came down with CHRONIC
FATIGUE SYNDROME around 1986ish and haven’t been right since.
Everything listed in the topic here directly is the same as the
criteria for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Personally, I feel as if I
had the window into myself to observe the begining stages of cancer,
based on my collective educational background. Under normal
conditions, the immune system should eliminate such abnormalities to
an extent. This appears to be what has happened with me, since the
irregular shaped mass was gone within a few monthes & relative to the
enlargement of the internal lymph nodes. The patches & lung linning
thickening are text book signs of exposure to asbestos in my
case….which usually appear some 15 to 20 years after exposure. I
just happened to be in an area where somebody had removed some old
furnace heating ducts that were insulated with asbestos from back in
the day……and I had residual exposure to latent dust…there is no
safe level of exposure.

My understanding of sarcoid is that this is a low level immune
reaction to something. The something remain to be unknown. Its
probably a common “SAFE” chemical & since this is usually started as
a lung issue……its probably tire dust from automobile tires….as
this is not measured or tracted by the government…..where does the
rest of the tire tread go when the tire wears out to be bald is the
question. Since that is a chemical synthetic, and the law of science
is nothing is created or lost….it has to go somewhere, and we
breath it in. The chemical is probably fat soluble, so it would need
to be eliminated by the liver as a typical environmental
toxin…..which is why GOD designed the body the way it is thus being
the function of the liver. If the liver is damaged or overwhelmed by
alot of stress and strain to eliminate alot of toxins….it can’t
keep up with the load imposed on it. If the toxins are fat soluble,
then the toxins are then distributed into the fatty tissues of the
body, and nerve tissue..nervous system & brain are mainly composed of
fatty tissue. So a cascading effect is imposed upon the body. The
immune reaction releases a multitude of chemical factors manufactured
by the body. It is these natural chemicals that have been studied as
cancer treatments for the last 10 years or so.

Wendy about depression

Beth,

I can’t really remember the last good day. I read the post where Nicole
said that she just wanted curl up and do nothing. That is exactly how I
feel all the time now. And I think it has been that way for months. I
joined a water aerobics class thinking that if I get OUT and DO
something it would help, but I practically have to force myself to even
go now, whereas the first 2 times I was excited. I hate to be such a
downer, but my job sucks as well, so there is no help there. I drag
myself into work about 10 minutes after I get up. House is a mess..I
don’t know where to begin there. My mom asked me the other night “why can’t you just snap out of it?”……DUH!!! When I have a bout of
insomnia she says, “Your not trying hard enough to get to sleep!”
Anyway, I know that I am rambling and not making much sense,but thanks
for listening anyway.
Wendy

Paxil

I hate to burst your bubble, but Paxil is EXTREMELY
addictive>>

I am only going by what I have read online and off and
by what my therapist and doctors have told me. As for
getting off of paxil. I plan to stay on it. For once
in I dont know how many years I actually feel
“normal”.

Delaine

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